My Turbulant Blessings....

Children are a blessing. Proof that there is definitely a God. Children are also totally and completely insane. I've come to this conclusion by experience. See, I'm mother of 2 school aged children. Bubba is 7 and Sissy is 6. I had my children 11 months and 3 weeks to the very day apart. Yes, I think I was quite possibly inebriated at the time of conception. *winks* At any rate, I've discovered that there are so many things they don't tell you about when you have children. When I say "they" I'm talking about all those wise women who felt the need to give you unsolicited advice at the drop of a hat when the bun was still in the oven, but laugh their asses off at you now that the child is talking.

See, there are things that were not included in my "Mommy Manual." Oh, you mean, you didn't get a "Mommy Manual?" Well, neither did I, but if I did, there's definitely things that are missing. For example:

Projectile Vomiting was invented by a 3 month old.
You'll never eat anything mushy and green again after changing a poopy diaper.
You'll never guess the quantity and size of things that can fit down a toilet without clogging it.
Baby gates do not keep children out....
Sleep is over rated.
Legos can fit into noses, ears, and apparently taste really good.
Babies have Mexican Jumping beans in their bodies.
Children are better listeners than you think...even if it does take you 15 times to tell them to clean their rooms, the second you're around friends one of your "blessings" spouts off about mommy and daddy's "Alone" time.
The word "No" is just the beginning, after that comes, "I'm not eating that." Followed by "I didn't do it", "It wasn't me", and "the cat did it."
Brothers and sisters fight, Sisters and sisters fight, Brothers and brothers fight...there is no "Non fighting combination"
You cringe when you hear yourself repeating the words your mother told you.
Forget punishment, Bribery works a hell of a lot better.
Leave a child alone in a room with baby powder, and you can bet that the entire room will be white when you come back.

Lately, my "blessings" have been fighting like cats and dogs. It's a CONSTANT battle royal in my home. Seriously. It's even better now because they're older and use bigger words. I never quite knew that a 6 year old girl could be so dramatic, and that a 7 year old boy could pick on said 6 year old girl until she tries to pummel him with the nearest heavy object she can find.

Of course, in all of this, they do that amazing thing where they're snuggled up on the couch playing Wii, and you think, "Awww, I have the best, most awesomely well behaved children in the entire world," just as one bonks the other with the Wii Remote. *Sigh*